Southern California Norfolk Pine Is Reportedly Growing Toward the Moon

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, a Norfolk Island pine planted in a Southern California yard in the 1970s has begun what residents describe as a determined attempt to reach the moon.

Botanists note that none of the thousands of other Norfolk Island pines planted in Southern California yards during the same period have shown any interest in the moon. The palm trees around this one, however, have grown noticeably taller since it got started, which neighbors interpret as peer pressure.

A white dog from next door sits at the base most nights, facing the same direction as the tree. Nobody has asked the dog what it knows.

The tree’s lower branches have started to droop. The arborist attributes this to age. Residents attribute it to the tree having done the math.

“It grows about a foot a year, and the moon drifts away about an inch and a half,” said a retired dentist who has run the numbers more than once. “It’s gaining on it. People forget that.”

FTN BULLETIN: This report is fiction.